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Mature [Sirus; P] What We Reap









Syfka
Female
Aldrnari Healer
Wolf
© Amelia
11.5 (13.25) years
Height: 35 in
Posts: 89
AP: 36AP
Linked Accounts

Weight: 100 lbs

[Sirus; P] What We Reap

(This post was last modified: 06-08-2019, 07:34 AM by Syfka. Edited 1 time in total.)

So much time had passed passed since Sirus' 'trial,' yet it seemed like only yesterday. She was no closer to discerning what to do, but she knew what was right.

That didn't mean it was easy.

She was used to being the subject of the talk. Hairless, once brazen and bold, she'd walked with her head held high, pretending she didn't care about their hurtful comments. Nowadays, she truly didn't care what others thought. If she wanted to be with Sirus, she wouldn't pay attention to what others thought. Except, this wasn't a simple case of star-crossed-lovers. This was a man she'd thought of as a friend hurting another member of the Kingdom. Syfka had made him a member, and that, in turn, made her an accomplice to his crime.

Did he not see that? How guilty she felt for all of this? How guilty she felt for the victim's suffering, how guilty she felt for avoiding Sirus this long, how guilty she felt for being unsure about what to do?

She arrived on the island that was his prison and took a breath. It was time to face each other.








Reply










Sirus
Male
Aldrnari Hunter
Tiger
© Abnormal
5.25 years
Height: 42
Posts: 279
AP: 28AP
Linked Accounts

Weight: 260

RE: [Sirus] What We Reap

Sirus Gudmund

“I wanna be king in your story, I wanna know who you are.”


The large tiger would lay quietly in his cage, tail lay lax behind him. He was no longer as pristine as he once was. His coat was a bit dull, his paws dirty front the floor below. Winds had brought sand and dirt, along with some water from mists and humidity to latch onto his cage. He was past the point of being bored, head rested upon large paws as violet eyes sunk behind half mast lids. He was going to go crazy, or become extremely humble, one of the two would happen. How could someone survive like this? Head twitches as he inhales deeply. Hind limbs extend out behind him, rib cage rising and falling peacefully.

Brow would arch as he allows ears to tilt back, nose twitching gently. Eyes would open a bit more than the lazy position they had been in. Syfka. Sirus knew her scent anywhere, it had been a long time since he had seen his friend. His love? How could it be love? Maybe she wanted nothing to do with him? Sirus had never asked anything of Syfka, if anything she was his only weakness. Why? Sirus did not have an answer to that question. Where they started, to meeting every now and again, to Sirus somehow latching himself onto her and letting her in... She grew on him, he loved her. He hadn’t loved anyone before, besides his brother and mother but those were family and they were dead.

Head shakes as he lifts it slowly, the kingdom had done their part to keep him alive. He hadn’t suffered anything other than potential mental break down from lack of room or freedom. Besides that, Sirus was used to being alone and this was not a terrible life other than being confined. Large shoulders shift as the massive feline heaves himself up from his laying position. Jaws part as violet eyes look out through the bars, searching for Syfka. Tail lashes as he otherwise remains motionless, brow arching still in anxious wait. What did she have to say? What did she want to talk about? What was she going to do to him? Break his heart? She had avoided him for so long, but he never lost hope. Tongue pushes back in jaws as he cuffs for Syfka, ears tilt back as he stands where he was, a caged animal, and waits for her to come forth.

He walks "He Talks." He Thinks

Tiger | Horns







Reply










Syfka
Female
Aldrnari Healer
Wolf
© Amelia
11.5 (13.25) years
Height: 35 in
Posts: 89
AP: 36AP
Linked Accounts

Weight: 100 lbs

RE: [Sirus] What We Reap


She had arrived, but once she laid eyes on the prison, it took her an extra moment to find the will to walk around to the front. A barrier laid between them until she did. That gave her comfort, but not because she was afraid of Sirus. She was afraid of what might come. Until they talked, they were in limbo. Friends, lovers, and not all at once. She didn't want to move forward or backwards, and wasn't that selfish of her?

Taking a breath, Syfka finished walking around to the front of the prison where she took a seat and saw Sirus for the first time in months. It sparked so many emotions in her chest. Guilt, regret, shame. "Sirus," she said softly, a greeting filled with pain. Where did she even start? What could she say? She wanted to apologize for being away so long, but she also wanted an apology for the pain he'd caused. Except, an apology couldn't fix any of this.

Oh, what a mess.








Reply










Sirus
Male
Aldrnari Hunter
Tiger
© Abnormal
5.25 years
Height: 42
Posts: 279
AP: 28AP
Linked Accounts

Weight: 260

RE: [Sirus] What We Reap

Sirus Gudmund

“I wanna be king in your story, I wanna know who you are.”


Sirus was greeted by a dark pain of grief, it was sharp and stretched from one side of gut to the other. He felt as if he was experiencing the sensation of being gutted. Ears remain back, as violet eyes look down to her. Head lowers slightly, heart became stressed with it’s beating. He was scared. Of his mate? Was she even his mate? She hadn’t come to see him at all, but could he even blame her? Would he have come to see her if roles were reversed? She perhaps couldn’t comprehend that someone who loved her could turn and rape another. Did Sirus feel bad for what he did? Of course, because of Syfka, because of himself. He knew what he did was wrong, but he had done it. Tail lashes as she says his name, body shifts as the man moves towards the bars. Syfka’s small frame, seated outside in the world. He felt like she was so far away.

Unsheathed claws scrape against the floor as he drags his paws. Dull pelt absorbs the breeze as he steps to the bars that hold him inside. Eyes close as he presses his horns against two bars, exhaling loudly through his nostrils. Slowly his horns scrape against the bars, downward his large head would slowly shift before his front end lowers slowly. Horns slip from the bars and hit the ground as his nose hits the filth of floor. Hind end remaining standing, front paws support him slightly as eyes remain shut. Tail aiding in balance as he parts black lips, tongue feeling dry in his mouth. "S... Syfka...." He almost chokes on her name. Did he even deserve to speak it? He was confused. He was scared and felt alone though in her presence, he had never in his life felt so humiliated or naked.

He would swallow hard, his throat tight as he tenses his shut eyes. Muzzle wrinkles slightly as skin tightens. Why had she come? Was this it? The stake through his heart? He digs unsheathed claws into the hard ground, the sound causing irritation within his ear drums. He stay where he was before her, what else could he do? He inhales deeply, breath unsteady, "I... I’m... Syf... I." Deep vocals were hoarse, he was shook, what was he going to say? He releases a shaking breath gently. "I am so sorry, Syfka..." He would finally spit out, she owed him nothing, he owed her everything... He betray her... "I... I wish I could undo whats been done... I wish I could fix it... Fix us... I never, never wanted to hurt you and I have... I... I understand why it’s been so long. I..." He stops himself, perhaps letting her talk would be better? He was already in a hole, perhaps he needed to stop digging...

He walks "He Talks." He Thinks

Tiger | Horns







Reply










Syfka
Female
Aldrnari Healer
Wolf
© Amelia
11.5 (13.25) years
Height: 35 in
Posts: 89
AP: 36AP
Linked Accounts

Weight: 100 lbs

RE: [Sirus] What We Reap


His apology hurt because, well, it was an afterthought, wasn't it? She couldn't fathom what type of man took their pleasure from the unwilling, so she couldn't say why he couldn't restrain himself. Sirus hadn't cheated on her or done something she might know how to handle. He'd sexually assaulted someone -- and tried to get away with it. He didn't report his crime. He didn't attempt to right it. Instead, he'd gotten into a relationship with her. She could understand him not wanting to risk what he'd just gained with her, but that didn't mean she excused it. "I don't know what to do," she said. Simple, honest, and vulnerable. "Sirus...you raped someone. If you don't know why you did it -- if you couldn't stop yourself -- how can you promise this won't happen again? And make no mistake, it cannot." Not just because the Kingdom would kill him but because it was wrong. Syfka was a feminist. Though it was not a woman he'd attacked, she believed in equal rights between genders. Rapists were an affront to everyone.

As she spoke, her heart ached -- a physical pain in her chest that was tearing her apart.







Reply










Sirus
Male
Aldrnari Hunter
Tiger
© Abnormal
5.25 years
Height: 42
Posts: 279
AP: 28AP
Linked Accounts

Weight: 260

RE: [Sirus] What We Reap

Sirus Gudmund

“I wanna be king in your story, I wanna know who you are.”


Sirus remained where he was as Syfka spoke. Tail twitches as her words cut deep into him. Dare he look at her? His head lifted from the dirt as he was forced to think about his actions yet again. Sirus had done wrong, he though of the creatures he had killed and those who had died because of him. Sirus was no angel, his wings had been torn off his back a long time(metaphorically). Violet eyes look down to Syfka, docile and calm, inhaling deeply as his body lifts to stand upright. Ears tilt back as brow furrows, "I know exactly why I did it..." Deep vocals scrape against his throat. He stares at Syfka, if he had known he would get Syfka, if he had had Syfka as his own... It would have never happened... But that does not make it anyone elses fault, but his own.

Sirus sighs, "I did it because thats who I was and that dog is what I wanted at the time. There is no other explanation. That is who I used to be... I raped and I killed others just because... Some were commands I was fulfilling, others were when I had authority to do it myself... I was becoming my father..." Vocals became deep and aggressive sounding as the word ‘father’ left his lips. Tail lashes behind him, ears tilt back as he turns away from Syfka to walk in a small circle in the cage he was held in. Eyes look down at now sheathed claws and massive dirty paws. "And then... I got you as my own and for the first time in my life... I regretted my own actions. I regretted every bad thing I have done, even though I cannot undo them..." He would say as he sighs gently, head low as he circles around again like he was on display.

"I don’t know why or what you do to me, but I am a better man around you. As if you tear down who I am on the outside and show who I want to be on the inside. I regret what I have done in the past, I regret everything and I have to live with that weight... But... I can’t lose you when I know that the day I had you as my own, as my mate... I changed forever." He would say as his body slowly drops to the ground of the cell. Head hits his front paws, tail lay limp behind him. "You are everything to me... I praise you and love you... But if I have damaged what we had by my past actions and that which was done to a member of the kingdom enough for you to never want me again... I would rather rot in this cell until my last days, death would be too easy of a punishment..."

He walks "He Talks." He Thinks

Tiger | Horns







Reply










Syfka
Female
Aldrnari Healer
Wolf
© Amelia
11.5 (13.25) years
Height: 35 in
Posts: 89
AP: 36AP
Linked Accounts

Weight: 100 lbs

RE: [Sirus] What We Reap


Syfka was not prepared for the barrage of confessions that fell from her friend's lips. "... I raped and I killed others just because... Some were commands I was fulfilling, others were when I had authority to do it myself... I was becoming my father..." Stunned, she tried to process all of what he said. She could hardly focus on his romantic confessions because she was too distressed. Putting aside his feelings for her, she focused on what he'd first said. "You have...you have raped others?" This was a very serious admission, and he'd said it so casually. Not to mention that he'd killed. Under orders or not, if it had been a crime, shouldn't he be held accountable? Was 'my king ordered me to do it' a sufficient response? Was it not treason to refuse? Yet, was it not the duty of the people to hold their leaders morally accountable? Did a child raised in that environment, knowing nothing else but blind loyalty, truly have that choice?

Syfka felt ill.

By his own lips, if she chose to end their relationship status, he had no desire to leave prison. It was manipulative as it was honest, and it put her in a terrible situation.








Reply










Sirus
Male
Aldrnari Hunter
Tiger
© Abnormal
5.25 years
Height: 42
Posts: 279
AP: 28AP
Linked Accounts

Weight: 260

RE: [Sirus; P] What We Reap

Sirus Gudmund

“I wanna be king in your story, I wanna know who you are.”


Sirus remain laying as she asked him the question, he didn’t change his position. Nor did he try to back pedal, his heart knew no shame in telling Syfka everything. Though Sirus couldn’t remember everything, but he did remember a few star points. He inhaled deeply as he looked up to Syfka from behind bars. "I have tried to rape others, I had an immature dominance streak for some time. The only other successful time I ‘raped’ was most consensual than anything. But she disappeared. I can only assume she either was killed or took off with my child. I cannot confirm much of anything on that, I believe I did telk you about that. Just not the fact that I wanted a heir when I was King, but I believe she just wanted a fight for her own enjoyment." His words at the end were almost bitter, horned skull shifts on his paws.

"As for murder, I did so on command. Though it was a rare occasion. I killed a horse. Why? Because the priestess told me too... I didn’t want to be a slave anymore, I wanted a purpose somewhere and all I know is violence and abuse... I do not expect pitty from you, Syfka. I told you I was no angel." He would admit bitterly once more, ears falling back against his skull. "So many others have been murdered because of me and it might as well have been done by my own paws... My family, close friends, all stripped from me by... Them... But it was my fault, I shouldn’t have ever trusted or gotten close to anyone. I only put others in danger, I don’t understand why they hate me or why they left me to be the last of my lines..." Brow arches as he sighs quietly.

"That was past me, if I was still the same, I wouldn’t have accepted my wrongs and taken a punishment that best reflected what I deserved. I deserve to be cut off from the world and left to sit in my wrongs. I have disgraced myself, who I feel I wanted to be on the inside... You, others, the Avatars, I cannot fix my mistakes, I cannot hide them... I should have let them kill me when they had the chance. Instead I let them destroy who I was meant to be, I let them fill me with anger and the want to make other feel what I have felt... I wanted a chance at a new life, but I couldn’t even do that without fucking it up. It has taken years for me to find who I wanted to be and mere seconds for me to destroy it..." He would say as he lifts his head, eyes looking up to Syfka once more.

"I will always be honest with you and tell you what you want to know. I have nothing to hide from you... But if you do not want me, Syfka... I understand. Do not feel the need to sit here and try to justify your feelings. I betrayed you in the worst way. I loved you before the day you became mine... I did what I did, knowing I loved you but feeling I could never have you, that I wasn’t good enough for you to love... I cannot take this back or undo it... I have to live and suffer for what I have done... I accept that because I know now who I am and what I want to be... Even if you leave and do not love me. I have to live with my regrets regardless if you are with me or not..." He would said quietly before he lowers his head again to his paws. "I love you, Syfka. But I don’t expect my words to have meaning to you. I know what it’s like to feel the way you do now... I harbour no ill feelings to whatever you choose.." His mother crossed his mind, the woman he loved because she was so good to him before she was taken away from him. He knew what betrayal felt like and what it felt like to lose what you held so close and grew fond of... He truly felt he knew what she felt, because he had lived a life that taught him only that feeling.

He walks "He Talks." He Thinks

Tiger | Horns







Reply










Syfka
Female
Aldrnari Healer
Wolf
© Amelia
11.5 (13.25) years
Height: 35 in
Posts: 89
AP: 36AP
Linked Accounts

Weight: 100 lbs

RE: [Sirus; P] What We Reap


Sirus had a lot to say, but Syfka listened. She wanted all the information she could gather, and what better source than from his own lips? He admitted that he'd tried to rape before, confirming his earlier admission. Was not the attempt as bad as the crime? A serial rapist. Her friend, her near-lover, was a serial rapist -- or had aspired to be. He had also killed on the command of his owner. That she could forgive. A slave had little choice -- though she felt for the soul that had died. Neither Sirus nor the horse deserved that.

Then, he all but offered her a way out. She was stunned by that, but she made no rash decisions. "What would you do?" she asked. "If you were me?" She wondered how he would handle such a difficult situation, such a betrayal.








Reply










Sirus
Male
Aldrnari Hunter
Tiger
© Abnormal
5.25 years
Height: 42
Posts: 279
AP: 28AP
Linked Accounts

Weight: 260

RE: [Sirus; P] What We Reap

Sirus Gudmund

“I wanna be king in your story, I wanna know who you are.”


Sirus listened but Syfka only offered a simple question. Ears perk to listen before they fell against his head again. He would release a quiet long exhale. He remained where he was, body relaxed as he pondered for what felt like hours but was really only seconds. If it was Sirus, he would forgive and move on, only giving one more chance to prove oneself. He could trust and be mindful and then leave if it was repeated. But Syfka was not Sirus. He had to put himself in her paw prints. She was small, fragile and yet, she was so powerful. He understood how she felt and what she stood for. He did not know the deep down truths behind her, Sirus was a male, he also didn’t get effected like someone else might.

Brow arched as he inhaled deeply, violet eyes look to hers in an attempt to meet them dead on. Sirus felt his heart shatter in his chest, he knew what he would do if he was her. If he was no long Sirus in any way, and was only Syfka. Claws unsheath to dig into the ground below. The would return to their sheathed position as he remained relaxed. The air seemed heavy around them, maybe because he could hear his heart beating so loudly in his ears. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to answer, but she asked, he had to. Ears remain back as he searches for her eyes, his heart break paining his chest.

"If I was you... And not any part of me, only you..." He began, his throat was dry, his tongue felt like it was going to be swallowed. Tail lay limp behind him, his eyes never wanting to leave hers, if they had met. Everything about her, it pained him. Why had he done it? Why did he have to be so stupid? So foolish? He was angry, at himself, but anger would solve nothing. He was calm, he stepped back in his own mind. Though he didn’t move an inch, his eyes docile and sad. "I would leave..." His voice was harsh against his throat, coming out hoarse as if choking back a sob. Yet his features, other than his eyes, remained serious and unaltered. "I would leave and never look back..." He would say as he felt his heart shatter again, yet it pounded so loud, he could barely hear his own hoarse vocals.


He walks "He Talks." He Thinks

Tiger | Horns







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