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Private [M] {Draconis, Lorcan, Finlay, Eliana} A Family Outing







Eliana
Female
Vipera Resident
Tiger
© Avocado
.75 years
Height: 28 in
Posts: 5
AP: 32AP
Linked Accounts

Weight: 180 lbs

[M] {Draconis, Lorcan, Finlay, Eliana} A Family Outing

(This post was last modified: 08-02-2020, 11:41 AM by Eliana. Edited 2 times in total.)


Finlay was walking along the beach with Eliana enjoying the family outing they were having. He was sure that Lorcan and Draco were somewhere nearby as they all had agreed to head out to the beach together today. Disguise still dutifully overtook his form, it hadn’t left for a single moment for several months. Finlay still was working through his denial that staying this long in this form, going through pregnancy and birth, all the hormones attached, actually affected his head. He felt confused, conflicted, and addressing those feelings was something he was avoiding. It was scary to him. Finlay also was currently working through a brief period of sobriety. His schedule, the kid’s schedule, and Draco’s schedule seemed to have aligned in all the right ways to keep Finlay away from venturing out and finding fermented fruit for around a week.

Currently his mental state was a bit of a twitchy train wreck as he just consistently tried to dodge the issues in his own head, juggled with the fact he was sober. He had to hold it together for the kids and Draco though. But, Draco was a smart man… surely by now he knew something was off about Finlay, and they just haven’t had an actual discussion about it yet. Maybe he was letting Finlay process things, or waiting for something. Finlay found though that the more time he spent with them, the more distractions he had from his own head, as long as he artfully dodged certain topics. He wasn’t sure which was worse to dodge, Draco’s bullying, or the kid’s thousand and one questions technique. Surely Draconis wasn’t blind to that as well.

Finlay stopped walking as he saw an empty seagull nest perched on a rocky outcrop just a little ways into the water. He stared at it for a few moments, feeling anxiety instantly building in his gut, brows knitted ever so slightly. His emotion undoubtedly was dripping through the cracks in his link Draconis as his mental state was not as solid as it normally was.

Hearing Eliana giggle up ahead the beach caused him to snap back to reality. Looking in her direction Eliana was paw deep in the water, and looked as if she was trying to walk deeper. ”Cac!” Not paying attention to the fact he just said “Shit” in Irish front of his kids Finlay walked quickly over towards her, calling out. ”Eliana! I see whad you're doing! Dond you dare go deeper!” Why did the kids always try and get away with stuff like this around him? They were only just shy of three seasons old.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eliana on the other hand had noticed Finlay being distracted with something out in the ocean. And… thinking she was out of view from her brother and father now was her chance to try and go deep in the water. She wasn’t supposed to, but what was the fun in keeping to the rules? Walking into the water she couldn’t help but let out a giggle as the tide kept pulling her in deeper. But that apparently was what gave her up. As soon as her mom yelled at her, the jig was up and Eliana pouted as she plopped her rear down in the paw deep water. Paw deep wasn’t as fun though as the deeper water looked.

Looking over at Finlay she gave her best pout, ”Yes mommy.” Though this was not fair. Not in her mind at least. She was a big girl and could totally handle deep water! So she thought.


Eliana speaks | Finlay speaks



oc note: Finlay is a diminutive female version of himself. 28 inches tall and 180lbs. He smells like a female version of himself, along with his Pheromones and Draconis. (This is using his spell disguise)

Oc note: at the time of this post. I have Eliana aged at .75. I decided to age her a day earlier than season change cause I was online. <3 She is .5 at the time of this thread.







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Lorcan
Male
Vipera Resident
Tiger
© Marissa
0.25 years
Height: 30
Posts: 3
AP: 34AP
Linked Accounts

Weight: 185

RE: [M] {Draconis, Lorcan, Finlay, Eliana} A Family Outing


Draco was only a couple of steps ahead of his mate and daughter. His son moved with purpose beside him. He was rather amused but it didn't show on his features. Each movement that he made, his son attempted to copy. His stoic features didn't actually cover his emotions. Lorcan attempted to walk with stealth, attempted to follow the sure footed movements of his father's gait. They both paused when they heard Finlay shout toward Eliana. Lorcan whipped around to see what exactly his sister was doing while Draco made his movements slower, far more sure. He'd definitely felt the moment of weakness from Finlay down that bond but there wasn't a perfect moment for him to actually pull him aside and talk to him. There was no true reason that Finlay needed to remain in the female form of himself. To be honest, Draco was starting to miss Finlay's male form.

Whatever form Finlay decided to take was still going to be Finlay. But after not seeing his male form for so long, it was becoming like a lost memory. Over dramatic, surely, but the male didn't care either. He stepped toward his mate, his gaze locked upon his form, even as Eliana pouted in the paw deep ocean. Lorcan abandoned his desire to act more like his father and shed the skin to become that of a regular babe. As Draco moved with purpose toward Finlay, Lorcan moved with purpose toward his sister. He splashed into the water, attempting to make his splashes closer and closer to Eliana so that she might get hit with it. Lorcan grinned to himself, not having picked up fully on his father's stoic features. He was still very much a child that hadn't gathered the same amount of experience that his father had. "Shhh," Lorcan hissed at his sister, not giving her a chance to actually protest if she was going to about his treatment of splashing water on her.

He glanced over his shoulder to spy his father now standing in front of Finlay. He nudged his head in their general direction as he silently waited for opportunity to strike.

Draco lowered his head, his eyes attempting to lock upon Finlay's. "What has caused you to become lost in your thoughts?" His voice was soft, making sure that it wouldn't travel on the winds toward the cubs playing in the water. As much as Lorcan wished to believe that his father wasn't paying them any mind, he'd be terribly mistaken. Draco was very much aware where his cubs were at in the water and he'd react the second that they moved closer into the deeper water.

Draconis speaks | Lorcan speaks









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Eliana
Female
Vipera Resident
Tiger
© Avocado
.75 years
Height: 28 in
Posts: 5
AP: 32AP
Linked Accounts

Weight: 180 lbs

RE: [M] {Draconis, Lorcan, Finlay, Eliana} A Family Outing



Eliana watched as her brother came bounding towards her, splashing water everywhere in his wake. He even dared to splash some on her! Her face scrunched up as she was about to sass him before he shushed her. Her brows furrowed more at being hushed by her own brother, even though he was obviously plotting with her now. His face and the nudge of his head said so. She attempted to lift her paw and give a half hearted attempt at splashing him back whilst his eyes were looking at their parents. It wasn’t a large splash, but enough to say ‘payback’.

Taking a look at the deeper water she was getting excited that her brother was in on trying to break the rules too. Lorcan was nice, fun, clever, and liked to break rules like she did. But sometimes he was also a giant butt.

Eliana looked into the deeper water, excited to break the rules. She just was waiting on a cue from her brother, he obviously was keeping an eye out on their parents for the right moment that they could act on their plan. Foresight of the eventuality of getting caught later was not really on her mind, she was only half a year old. The shimmer of something shiny under the deeper water catching her eyes. Squinting her eyes it kinda looked like… the thing Finlay wore around his neck, except this one was smaller and darker. She didn’t know what jewelry was as no one had told her, so she didn’t know what a necklace was. But it looked like it belonged to mama, cause mama wore something similar. She spoke quietly, ”Lorcan… cuma. Fuair ​​mé rud mamaí san uisce.” She was looking directly at it, so surely Lorcan would be able to see it too. Maybe Lorcan knew what it was.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Finlay after having called out to his daughter watched as she pouted. He was confident that she was aware she did wrong. She wasn’t stupid, she was just highly mischevious. Both his kids were. He birthed two little trouble makers. ”Dhere should have been more...” The unwelcome thought instantly found its way into his head before he could block it.

He still blamed himself for what happened. Fully blamed himself. It had to have been him.

Finlay was happy with the two children they had, but he eventually would like more. But that meant.. more pregnancy, in which womanhood and everything attached he surprisingly was finding out he enjoyed, a lot. Which didn’t make sense for a normal man. But another pregnancy meant the possibility of another repeat of what happened. And that terrified him. It hurt to think about. He was a terrible mother, he already was worrying that every choice he made in regards to the kids was wrong. That he was inadequate. The children never liked to listen to him anyways. He felt that somehow he was going to wake up to one of them no longer alive for whatever reason. He felt worse that Draco seemed externally to be handling things just fine. His mate was so supportive, and helped tremendously with the children, it wasn’t like Finlay was alone. Why was he like this? He couldn’t handle the anxiety on his own… so he had to just drink and numb it away temporarily. It wasn’t a good solution, he knew.


The thoughts on his internal issues came to a halt as Draco’s face appeared right in front of his, eyes locked upon him. A flash of surprise could be seen in Finlay’s eyes at the suddenness. ”When did he walk up? Am I really dah oudda id?” He must have missed out on Draco walking up to him completely.

"What has caused you to become lost in your thoughts?"

Draco’s form completely blocked Finlay’s view of the kids as he stood in front of him, causing Finlay’s stomach to tense and his eyes to shift nervously away from Draconis. ”Da kids are fine. Da kids are fine. Da kids are fine.”

Looking back up, he met Draco’s eyes again, whispering, ”Jusd… god disdracded looking ad someding.” It was… sort of the truth. He was just evading answering out loud, in case the kids could hear.

Reaching out via link he attempted to speak to Draconis, small bits of his anxiety and anxiousness seeping through the link as Finlay was unable to contain it. ”I’ve… jusd been a bid off since da kids were born. Sorry… I’ll ged me head on beddah. Musd just be hormones… or someding.” He was absolutely trying to make it not seem like a big deal. But as he did that, the thought popped into his head. Draconis had that magic… the one that can make him change into a man again. Quickly reaching out via their link, panic would be sent down the bond as his tone sharpened ever so slightly, ”And do nod use your gender swidching magic on me. Nod in frond of da kids.” While Finlay admitted that probably gave him more information than he wanted to give, it was necessary in his mind. Draconis had the magic to just change him back to male.

Finlay wasn’t ready. He was scared. Why?

His anxiety and worries were out of control since the birth of their children, and that was just compacted with the fact that while he was in female form, pregnant and raising kids… he was forced to come face to face with something. He had known long before coming to Yavania that he wasn’t like most other men. Growing up without parents, having a teacher later in life who thought your preferences and habits were an abomination, who forced their beliefs on you. It was no wonder why Finlay avoided this topic like the plague. He didn’t have the luxury at first, and once he did have the security, the safety and support of Draconis next to him, he continued to keep the blinders up. With the occasional question of “This is crazy right? This is weird right?” Asking himself why he was ‘okay’ with things that surely other men wouldn’t be okay with.

All the questions he had circulating in his head: Why did walking in a female form feel just as right as walking in male form? Why did he look forward to hearing Draconis call him Husband as well as Wife? Why was he completely okay with people calling him a woman, when he said all this time he wasn’t one. He fucking lied. Sort of. Kind of. More like just completely refused to acknowledge its existence. Bury it beneath ten feet of dirt kind of ignore. But at the same time he kinda did acknowledge it... He shapeshifted into a woman half the time, flirted with Draconis as a woman, walked around as a woman. He literally offered to have Draco’s children… of his own accord. He wanted it.

Finlay knew the actual answer to his mental state. He was both female and male. He wasn’t sure how that mentally worked, why it did, or what that meant at all. How was he supposed to explain this to Draconis… what would he even say? So for now he was literally trying to just… ignore it. He wasn’t good at dealing with his emotions, nor his own mental state. Really anything serious he tried to avoid.

He had been trying to ignore it for the past few months after the pregnancy and babes made him come face to face with it finally and… honestly it was the biggest reason he didn’t shift back into a man. Changing back and feeling that his male form is just as natural as his female would just solidify things even more. He wasn’t ready for that. Why... did that scare him? The second reason he didn't change back would be he was worried the kids would have an adverse reaction to learning that their mom could turn into a guy. But kid's could adapt...and he couldn't just live the rest of his life in a woman form.

He didn't want to live the rest of his life in his male form either.

So really the real reason was the former... and he was just still trying not to mentally deal with it.


Eliana speaks | Finlay speaks




OC notes: Eliana found a peacock pearl bracelet w/ the Shadow element on it.

Translation: Irish: “Lorcan… look. I found mama's thing in the water.”



oc note: Finlay is a diminutive female version of himself. 28 inches tall and 180lbs. He smells like a female version of himself, along with his Pheromones and Draconis. (This is using his spell disguise)

Oc note: at the time of this post Eliana is .5 at the time of this thread.







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